Women of the Night, What Sweet Music They Make

⚠️ COMMUNITY NOTICE: MISSING PERSONS ADVISORY ⚠️

This message is brought to you by your concerned local council women for the safety and satisfaction of our community.

Lately, several eligible gentlemen have gone missing after responding to personal ads posted by mature women seeking companionship and discretion. Authorities believe the incidents occur late at night after candlelight dinners, shared bottles of red wine, and whispered promises of “one more taste.”

While investigators search for leads, we ask that all men exercise caution when responding to online ads featuring phrases such as:

“Hot MILF looking for a midnight snack.”

“Drinks on me. I never take no for an answer.”

“Mature older woman looking for a man to make her feel 20 years younger.”

If you do choose to meet a woman answering to names like Lilith, Mara, or Selene, please be advised that she may appear:

Ageless and radiant, despite claiming to be “pushing 40.”

Distracted by and fixated on your pulse.

Unusually eager to meet indoors, with blackout curtains and dim lighting.

In the interest of public safety, we advise all men to stay home after dark. Do not let strangers into your home. And if you hear soft laughter calling your name from the shadows... It’s already too late.

This has been a public service announcement from your local council.